Musings

As I sit here on the front porch, looking out over beautiful rolling hills that are slowly turning green from the rain, I listen to the birds. I soak in the beauty. I breathe a little slower and deeper as I enjoy another gorgeous morning. The air feels fresh and a bit cool. There is a flock of all white birds in the yard next to me. A group of African men walk down the street in front of me – heading to work for the day.

Sometimes my days here feel so far removed from the rest of the world. Nestled in between mountains and waterfalls, it sometimes feels like we live in a little haven. However, the contrasts around us daily are quite stark. The beauty of the mountains in the midst of the ugliness of poverty; the peace and joy on people’s faces mixed with the pain in the eyes of many patients who are sick or dying; the sound of the birds alongside the sound of people mourning the loss of a loved one; the list could go on...

This world of stark contrasts continues on an even larger scale. When I read the news I hear of continued terrorist activities and killings from ISIS and Boko Haram. I hear about violence all over America and the rest of the world – most of it seeming so senseless. I hear about Ebola, earthquakes, fires, measles, tropical storms, plane crashes and political unrest. A few days ago, I read about a beautiful woman of God who just went home to be with Him. The breast cancer that had spread throughout her entire body finally took her life. She had to leave behind a husband and 4 young children.

While hearing about these things, I simultaneously experience so much beauty and joy in life. I watch my one-year-old son squeal in delight as he learns to walk. I observe my 2.5 year old boy enjoy the adventure of hiking in the mountains. I hold hands with the love of my life as we walk in the rain with the boys on our backs – all dressed in our raincoats and laughing for no reason at all. I lay on the grass and look at the stars while talking with my man about our hopes and dreams for the future. I taste good food, enjoy time with family and friends, and make new friends out of strangers. I hold a one-day-old baby boy, the firstborn of one of the surgical residents and his wife – what a precious gift. I cuddle with an almost three-month-old baby girl, another firstborn of a resident and his wife – how befitting her name of ‘Blessing’ is. I watch people find hope and healing at this hospital and in this place.

Living in the midst of these contrasts sometimes feels like living in two worlds at the same time. They can feel so far removed from each other, even while experiencing them simultaneously.

When struggling with the contrasts, I must admit that I often go back to the verses in Philippians 4 that talk about dwelling on the things that are honorable, just, pure, and lovely (verse 8). But can I just ignore the news, ignore the hard and ugly, and dwell on only the beautiful??

Somehow this doesn’t seem quite right. Jesus didn’t ignore the ugly, the pain, the disease, the despair, or the death. He didn’t push it all away so as not to be bothered by it. He entered into people’s pain, disease, and brokenness in a way that revealed the beauty and redemption of God. He embraced the ugly and then made it beautiful. He embraced the poor and then gave them hope. He embraced the broken and sick and then healed them.

My mind argues... “But I can’t do what Jesus did! I’m not God. I can’t fix people or the world!”

No, but God still can. Jesus continues His work today – through His people – in many of the same ways He did while physically here on earth.

Oftentimes the things that I am doing on a daily basis seem so small and insignificant. Wiping noses, changing diapers, reading books, teaching, disciplining, and holding my little ones, trying to be a help to my husband... The daily tasks continue... de-cluttering and cleaning the house, washing, hanging, folding, and putting away laundry, sitting and listening to my neighbors, visiting the sick in the hospital... I do these things while often feeling completely inadequate to meet the true needs of either my family or the people around me.

The voice inside my head continues. “So how do these little things I’m doing help any of these huge needs in the world?? Shouldn’t I be doing something to help with the violence, poverty, political unrest, etc?? Shouldn’t I be doing more than living in this small house and community and taking care of my man and babies??”

‘No’ – the Lord gently whispers. ‘Keep doing what you are doing, right where you are. Learn to do it with My strength, abiding in My Spirit, loving with My love. Keep on my dear daughter – I am at work. I am working in the nations. I am working in Mbingo. I am working in your home. I am working in you.’

I have to catch my breath for a minute. What encouraging words from my Father today. What rest they bring to my soul!

I still don’t understand it. How does God take the little things I’m doing and make it matter for His glory?? How does it honor Him or bring Him any joy for me to just live life His way, even when it doesn’t seem like I’m doing anything grand??

My mind tries to figure it out. What if raising my boys to know and love and fear God enables them to be used in mighty ways by Him? What if the neighborhood boy that we encourage and help through school gets a good job, comes to know the true God, raises a family – and thereby stays away from becoming another member of ISIS someday?  What if the man or woman that was healed today through a surgery goes on to become a doctor themselves – saving hundreds or thousands of lives with their skill and training of others – and even more by sharing the good news of Jesus with his or her patients? Or what if loving my neighbor helps them to know God and then love others well? What if some of the local violence stops because of the radical love of Jesus transforming lives?

Some or all of the above things could be true. But perhaps it could also be something else. How do I respond if things feel pointless or don’t turn out in a way that seems good? What then?

As I continue with my own reasoning, I wonder. What if the above things don’t happen? What if one or both of our sons grow up to reject God? What if the neighborhood boy that we try to help through school takes advantage of us by skipping school, squandering the money, and rejecting all those who try to truly help him? What if the man or woman who has surgery today dies tomorrow from complications? What if I love my neighbor, but they turn against me in response? What if the local and global violence continues or grows even stronger?

We have been asking ourselves these kinds of questions a lot lately. Especially when we want so badly to understand how God is working and figure out how the small things we do matter when they don’t turn out like we expect or want.

I don’t have the answers to these questions. I am not God and He is SO much greater than I even know or can fathom. But I do know through His Word that He is good, He is love, He is just, and He is sovereign. I know that I can trust Him. I know that loving and obeying Him go hand in hand - - and He says that it matters - - He says that it glorifies Him. 

So as I go on about my daily life here in Mbingo, I hold onto what I do know. Jesus came so that we could have life abundant in Him (John 10:10). He wants us to live fully in both the beauty and the mess, in both the joy and the pain, in both the easy and the hard. As I live in this world of contrasts, I continue to wonder...

Maybe living our lives fully – exactly where God has us – is what brings Him the most glory of all?

Maybe trusting Him, resting in Him, obeying Him, finding joy in Him, and knowing His love is what brings Him glory and helps the world more than we even know?

These are some of the musings of my heart lately. How can you bring glory to God and help the world today – by simply living whole and well – right where you are?