Holiness & Love

Once again, the need to write compels me. It always comes in the midst of the busy days when I don’t really feel like I have time. Maybe these are the days that I most need to take a step back and process? Whatever the reason, I will write. Hopefully it will help someone else in his or her walk today.

We have now been in Cameroon for almost two months. Our babies are growing (a ton it seems), Jason is operating and teaching, it is continually raining, and I am starting to feel a little more settled. This place truly is beautiful. The best part though, is that it is full of beautiful people that I am just beginning to know. I am so excited about the work that God is doing in many of the hearts that we are meeting.

It is an incredible blessing to walk along side people and “do life” together. It is a humbling and amazing thing for people to trust the surgeons here with their lives and the lives of their family members. It is both wonderful and challenging to engage with the work that God is doing in my own heart as well.

Every day brings a new challenge, joy, or realization lately. Perhaps being in a new environment just puts your senses on higher alert. Or perhaps it is because leaving family and friends and ‘starting over’ in a foreign place has helped me seek God even more. As I seek Him, I keep begging Him to grow and change me into what He created me to be. I keep asking for Him to open my eyes and ears to His activity around me. I keep asking Him to teach me what it means to surrender my days and time to Him– moment by moment – because I don’t want to miss what He has prepared for us to do.

This seeking is imperfect. It waxes and wanes. My emotions hit many highs and lows each day. Sometimes I give in to selfishness, impatience, discouragement, or stress. But sometimes I don’t. Sometimes my affections are placed on something greater than myself – by God’s grace alone. Sometimes I choose to seek God. When I run to Him, He ALWAYS gives me the grace for each moment. He provides the calm, wisdom, patience, love, or mercy that I need – right when I need it.

For those who might put “mission work” on a pedestal, you should know that moving to a new culture and trying to follow God in His calling, actually highlights your weaknesses and often brings your sin to the surface. This season of life continually seems to highlight sin and weakness in me.

I am currently reading a book called “Thirsting for God” by Gary L. Thomas. The author covers a variety of topics and pulls a lot of material from classic Christian writers from different centuries. In one chapter he is discussing holiness and talks about how he realized that when he tried to rid himself of sin, he was often just replacing one sin with another (i.e. replacing giving into a certain temptation with self-righteous pride). Thomas then says this:

“I had to learn that in one sense, I couldn’t win. My problem was that I was making myself, my actions, my thoughts, and my attitudes, the measurement of my faith. The holiness God desires in us is rooted in Christ’s death and resurrection, a holiness that changes our hearts, not just our actions. In the words of Francis de Sales, I had to learn that “obedience must rather be loved than disobedience feared”. (pg.66)

This idea of our affections being changed was reinforced as I listened to a sermon about “The Expulsive Power of a New Affection”. Pastor Scott Patty from Grace Community Church in Nashville preached a sermon a few weeks ago based on the original sermon by Thomas Chalmers bearing the same name. The basic idea is all throughout scripture – our hearts must be transformed to love God above ALL else. A transformed heart is what leads to a transformed life, and the heart change is what pleases God. Love for Him and others is what He requires, not just following a set of rules.

Thomas goes on to say that sin creates massive disturbances in our lives, but holiness brings peace (pg 70). He then quotes William Law who says “These [wrong] passions are the causes of all the disquiets and vexations of human life. They are the dropsies and fevers of our minds, vexing them with false appetites and restless cravings after such things as we do not want, and spoiling our taste of those things which are our proper good.”

Another quote I love is from Venning and says “Oh, say to this devil... Away! Away! Shall I be seduced by you to grieve the God of all my joy, to displease the God of all my comfort, to vex the God of all my contentment, to do evil against a good God, by whom I live, move, and have my being?” (pg 70-71).

Thomas then says that “Venning believed God-centeredness is the primary motivation to conquer temptation”... “True holiness has at its root an overwhelming passion for the one true and holy God, not for rules, principles, or standards.” 

I also really relate when Thomas says “Most of us want to be rid of our longstanding sins in a day. We think that by praying, ‘I’ll never do that again!’ we can somehow shout ourselves out of years of habitual failure. True holiness focuses on drawing near to God. As the love of God fills our hearts, the desire for sin is cut off and withers. But this is a process, not an overnight experience. Stress, confusion, weariness... any umber of things can resurrect old sinful habits. That is why we must continually apply ourselves anew to loving God” (pg. 74).

Ok – one more... J

“When we yearn for our Creator ‘as the deer pants for the water’ (Psalm 42:1), when we learn to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:30), holiness will be the by-product of our passion. We cease from sin not simply because we are disciplined, but because we have found something better... (pg.74) Holiness is nothing less and nothing more than being radically God-centered.” (pg. 76)

As I seek to apply this truth and wisdom to my life, I have to really ask God to help me discern what it practically looks like – now – today – this moment – to love Him with all I am. How can I become more radically God-centered? As I seek Him, He is continually revealing more to me, bit by bit.  

It all begins with knowing HIS LOVE for me. In order to know His Agape Love, that is SO different from the ‘love’ that we often know as humans, I must walk with God. I must immerse myself in truth from Scripture, be continually in prayer, be constantly in tune with God’s Spirit as He convicts, teaches, re-directs, and LOVES on me throughout the day.

As I know more of God’s Agape Love for me, I am transformed. Most days it feels like the transformation is EVER so slow in its coming. When I hurt my husband, when I yell at my children, when I ignore my neighbor, when I don’t take time to stop and seek God and instead indulge in selfishness... Yet some days lately, I see God’s Love flowing through me in the little moments and it makes me stop and praise because I know it is not from me! When I stop and really hear my husband’s heart and share in his work, when I gently correct, hold, or play with my children even though I feel like screaming in frustration, when I set aside my ‘to do’ list and take time to talk with and pray for my neighbor, when I run to God instead of escaping or running away.

These “small” victories are huge. They remind me of God’s grace and faithfulness. They show me more of His transforming power and work of redemption. Isn’t it often these small, every day, sins and challenges that are hardest to transform? If I want to be completely sold out to God – following Him whole-heartedly wherever He leads – then I must learn to surrender to Him moment by moment – in the midst of my every day.

So be challenged and encouraged dear friend. God is at work and He is faithful to draw you to Himself and transform you as you seek Him! I pray that you will know more of His amazing Truth and beautiful Love today.

Sending much love from Cameroon,

    Meridith