Match Day

We awoke early Wednesday morning to an email that read,“Only 13 more hours… good luck everyone!” It was match day.

For the past couple of years Jason and I have been praying about what direction the Lord wants us to go with our future. The Lord led us to spend two years of Jason’s research time for him to get a Master’s in Public Health and to travel around Kenya off and on doing a research project. As most of you know, those two years were full of a lot of fun experiences, some really hard times, and a lot of learning and growing. About half way through those years, we started talking and praying very seriously about Jason pursuing pediatric surgery. This would require two more years of training (after general surgery residency is finished in June 2014). Pediatric Surgery is a very competitive field and doing two years of research with a pediatric surgery focus, and obtaining the MPH, just might be what Jason would need to get a position in a fellowship-training program.

We received a variety of advice and opinions; all from people we respect and trust. Some people thought we would be better off to finish general surgery and then head overseas, as has been our plan for quite some time. Others told us that no training is ever wasted and that pediatric surgery could be a great asset to what we want to do long term. In the end, we decided to go for it and leave the results in God’s hands.

This began a very busy and intense season of life. From mid-January until the end of March, Jason interviewed all over the country for a fellowship position. This meant that he was usually in one to two cities per week, in addition to his regular long work hours at the hospital at home. He would often travel somewhere, go straight to a dinner for all the interviewees, interview all day the next day, and then fly home (or to another interview location) that night. If he got home that night, he was usually up at 4:30 the next morning to head to work. If he flew straight to another interview, he usually got there just in time for another dinner. As you can imagine, this was quite exhausting. Nathaniel and I missed him a lot as well, and I begin to feel like the drive to and from the airport was as routine as going to the YMCA or to work. As you can also imagine, this is a very expensive process. All of the traveling money comes out of pocket – plane fares, hotels, meals, etc. Because of all of this, we both had fears and reservations at times. We struggled some weeks to stay connected with each other in the midst of the busyness, but God gave the grace for the season. We really enjoyed talking about each place he interviewed, imagining what it would be like to live and work there. We talked a lot about the pros and cons of each location and program. We prayed a lot. We gathered advice from people we trust.

At the end of March, we sat down with all of the information we had gathered. We now had to list all of the places in our order of preference. Jason felt pretty good about any of the places, so we listed them all – one through fifteen. Each fellowship program also lists each of the interviewees in their order of preference. Both lists then go through a complicated match process. This mathematical algorithm is supposed to produce the best possible match for each place and candidate. For instance, if a fellowship site lists a candidate as their first choice, and the candidate also lists that site as his or her number one choice, then they are automatically matched. There are only 30-40 positions in the entire country so only about half of the people (or less) who interview actually receive a position. We analyzed our list and prayed over it multiple times. On April 9^th, we officially submitted the list.

“Lord, please guide us. We know that Your hand is over all things and that all is under Your control. We ask for you to place us where You want us to be. Help us to glorify You with whatever the result of this is. Use us for your purposes and give us the grace to trust You fully.”

This now brings us back to last Wednesday - May 1^st. We awoke both nervous and excited. We had been thinking, talking, and dreaming a lot the past couple of weeks about all of the various places we could be a year from now. It was a holiday here at the hospital so after Jason rounded on his patients, he was on call the rest of the day. He was home by mid-morning and we had a late breakfast together. After cleaning up the kitchen, answering some emails, and putting the baby down for a nap, we were both wondering “Now what do we do all day?”. :) We had some friends come through Kijabe from Nairobi and we hosted them for tea and snacks around noon. A couple of hours later, we were back in the same boat. Five more hours… Counting down the time is so strange for us because generally the days seem to fly. We spent some time reading, talking, playing with the baby… Around 5pm, Jason got called into the hospital to look at a patient and I started working on dinner. We were supposed to be able to find out about the match at exactly 7pm our time. Jason got home around 6:30 and we nervously talked and watched the clock as I finished dinner. At exactly 7pm, Jason logged on to the website and put in his login and password… The system was jammed. We tried a couple more times and it finally went through. I was looking over his shoulder, trying to figure out which part of the screen to focus on. Jason saw it first…

“I didn’t match.” His voice was full of surprise and disappointment. We both sat there in stunned silence for a minute. We knew all along that this was a strong possibility for any candidate, but for some reason neither of us really expected it. We were sure God had led us down this road and assumed it was for Jason to be a pediatric surgeon. “I’m so sorry babe.” My words seemed inadequate. I put my arms around his shoulders and neck. “I’m so sorry.” He replied with “I didn’t match.” He seemed to be trying to get it to sink in. “I guess I wasn’t expecting that. Ok.” He sounded like he was trying to convince himself that all would be ok. Congratulatory emails started coming with everyone announcing where they had matched. Jason started sending emails to let people know our results as I quietly finished up dinner. Nathaniel started crying – it seemed appropriate somehow.

So many thoughts were racing through my head and so many emotions were intertwined. First, I felt guilty. I had a few fears and reservations about Jason doing fellowship and about how it would change our long-term plans. We had talked through these several times and I had given them to the Lord. Part of me felt a little bit relieved that we didn’t have two more years of the intense schedule of pediatric surgery fellowship. This slight relief quickly changed to guilt and sadness as well. I hate seeing Jason disappointed. He worked so hard for this! He is completely qualified. He would be an amazing peds surgeon! Why?...

Jason broke into my thoughts “Wow, it feels like a waste. All that money and time.” “It’s not a waste!”, I tried to assure him. “You were doing exactly what we thought we should do and it is all a learning and growing experience, not a waste.” My words were not very convincing.

We ate dinner, put Nathaniel to bed, and sat down together in the living room of our small, temporary apartment. Both of our minds were full of questions… Did we make a mistake? Is this really the road God led us down, only to close the door? What now?

Jason received several really kind emails almost right away. Many people, including his mentors and leaders, seemed surprised. They said he was well qualified. It turns out that around 50% of the people who applied and interviewed did not match. Despite a majority of these people being well qualified and competitive, there just aren’t enough positions.

We sat and talked for a few minutes. The questions we were asking did not have any immediate answers. When I asked him what he needed for tonight, he said he didn’t really want to think through it any more right now. We decided to watch a movie and relax by the fire. It was a little chilly and the warmth of the fireplace felt good.

It has been almost a week now and our questions are the same – without any answers for the moment. We are not sure what this means for the next step. Here is what we do know…

•  In a little over a year, Jason will complete residency and be a general surgeon
• We asked God to open and close doors according to His will. We believe that this closed door is our answer from Him.
• God promises in His Word to lead those who seek Him. He will continue to lead us!
• We believe that God has called us (and all believers) to care for the poor, heal the sick, and share His love and truth. We specifically feel called to overseas medical missions work. This calling is the same whether Jason is a general surgeon or pediatric surgeon.
• Through a sermon here on Sunday, God reconfirmed to both Jason and I that we need to be willing to go where “the harvest is many but the laborers are few” (Luke 10:2).

So what does this mean for our future? We do not know. We have many thoughts and ideas. Some nights in the past week we have started discussing some of the possibilities. Other nights it feels too overwhelming and we talk about something else. I can say this though, I am so grateful that my Savior lives, that He has chosen to come down and live in our midst, and that every day He gives renewed strength and grace for whatever comes.

We are blessed.

Even with this closed door, the opportunities we have are so incredible compared to a majority of the people in the world. I must also say that I am so proud of my husband. He has handled this with such grace and strength. He takes his disappointment to the Lord and leans on Him for everything. Thank you Jason, for the amazing man that you are! You are such a wonderful husband, father, doctor, and friend.

Thank you also to our wonderful friends! This has shown us once again what amazing friends we have. We have received so many encouraging responses – many with specific scriptures, songs, prayers, and thoughts. I will end with a verse from a song that a dear friend sent us, based on Proverbs 3:5-6.

"And do not lean on your understanding,

Do not lean on your plans and schemes,

And do not lean on self-preservation,

Lean into His Love."

In all your ways acknowledge Him

In all your ways acknowledge Him

In all your ways, acknowledge Him and say,

I trust You Lord with all my heart.

"And do not trust your feelings of rejection,

And do not trust your feelings of defeat,

And do not trust in all your speculation,

Trust the only One who leads."