'Vacation'

** I wrote the following almost two weeks ago but have just now been able to post it. So I included a few 'updates' at the end...

Saturday, July 18th:

We are at the end of our ‘vacation week’. It felt like Jason and I desperately needed some time away from Mbingo to just rest and refocus after a really hard couple of months. We’ve both been wrestling mentally and emotionally with the weight of it all. The constant rain, never ending mold, back / pelvic pain, and being stuck in the house while unable to exercise has really been getting to me. The stress and exhaustion of work, administrative issues, watching patients suffer and die, and also trying to care for me and the boys, has been heavy on Jason. So it was in this place that we decided to head to the coast for a week. 7 days of beach, ocean, and no agenda sounded wonderful... 

Since returning, many people have asked how it went. It’s hard to know what to say. Here is a summary...

Day 1 ended up being about 9.5 hours of travel by van. This was at least 2 hours longer than anticipated, but we made it safely and the boys did great! I spent a lot of the time extremely nauseated or vomiting and was quite grateful that our friend Amy was headed to Douala and got to ride along with us. She is an incredible nurse, as well as friend... I felt shaky and weak by the time we arrived, but things settled out. I then had to say goodbye to this sweet friend who I have become quite close to over the past 6 months that she spent at Mbingo. The boys slept a bit fitfully that first night – being in a new place and all of us in one room. It rained and stormed all night and into the next morning and we awoke tired. 

The following days were a mixture of ups and downs. The highlights were...

• Almost one whole day of sunshine! Sunday was absolutely beautiful and we decided to stay and enjoy the ocean with the boys instead of going into town as planned. We were quite glad for this decision, as it was the only day we saw the sun for the entire week. 

• We eventually got caught up on sleep as the boys settled into a new ‘routine’. Since we were all in one room, Jason and I would often just go to sleep early or take naps when the boys did. We didn’t realize how tired we were and the extra sleep felt great. 

• Swimming! Jason and I took turns swimming away from shore a bit, despite the rain and semi-rough water. The swimming offered some relief to my back and pelvic pain and also gave some energy and refreshment. Neither Jason nor I have been able to exercise much at all lately, so this was very needed and helpful. 

• We LOVED watching our boys enjoy the water, the sand, the paddleboat, the ‘playground’ (half torn-down and covered in water, but toddler boys don’t care about such things! ), the horses that roamed around, the bubble baths after getting cold and sand-covered, the food, reading books or watching movies in the hotel during the rain, playing with each other... Their delight in the little things of life is a continual joy to us! 

• A highlight for me was a little bit of alone time that Jason enabled me to have by his care for the boys. I greatly enjoyed some time to read, pray, worship, and relax without interruption. I was also blessed by a couple great conversations with some missionary women the last day and a half we were there. 

• A date night! Some missionary friends here in Cameroon came to the same beach hotel for a family vacation and overlapped with us for a couple of days. They offered to watch the boys for us to have a date and we gladly accepted! We enjoyed borrowing their car and going out for dinner with just the two (actually three, but littlest Axt was well behaved) of us! We’ve really struggled with the lack of opportunities for date nights or time alone in this season, so this was quite a joy. 

It would be unrealistic for me to share the highlights, without some of the challenges...

• As any of you with children know, a ‘vacation’ with kids is never free from work and responsibilities. Most of the daily duties continue and can be even more tiring than normal. While we find the challenges of traveling with little ones well worth it, they are still that - - challenges. :-)

• The nearly constant rain was quite a disappointment and ‘downside’ for me. Jason says that if I wasn’t a Christian, then I might be a sun-worshiper, so you can imagine the challenge of constant rain for months for me.  I can definitely enjoy rainy days, but my brain seems to need the sun to shine on occasion. I was hoping for sunny days to just lie on the beach and soak in the warmth and life that it gives me. The hard rain and rough waters also limited the things we could do outside – especially with the babies. As many of you know, nature is one of the primary refreshers of our family. 

• One morning was particularly crazy... We awoke to Ezekiel vomiting for an unknown reason. As Jason was trying to hold and clean him, and I was working on cleaning the pack n’ play, I realized that Zeke was also having almost liquid stool overflowing from his diaper. It had leaked onto our bed, all over the floor, and onto Jason’s foot... Zeke got a full bath, all our linens ended up on the porch outside, and we then cleaned ourselves and tried to air out the room. Ezekiel seemed to feel fine after all of that, so we headed to breakfast. While at breakfast, Nathaniel got stung by a bee for the first time. This ended with Jason taking Nathaniel back to the hotel room just to get him to calm down. Thankfully, the rest of the day went better... I will admit that I was a bit worried when all that had happened by 8am! 

• One of the major challenges that Jason and I faced all week was trying to find the time and ability for good communication. It's been a difficult season for knowing how to best help and encourage each other. It's also been hard to find the energy for the work of processing and communicating well. 

• The trip back to Mbingo lasted about 8.5 hours, with much less GI upset. We enjoyed getting to know a new couple that is visiting Mbingo for 3 weeks as they road in the same vehicle with us. The boys did great until the very end when Ezekiel hit his ‘carseat limit’ and screamed for the last 45 minutes or so. 

So as you can see, it is hard to explain in a nutshell how our ‘vacation’ was. We returned to Mbingo with mixed feelings. We are glad that we did the trip and feel like the time away and with the boys was good overall. We also still feel a bit low on energy and motivation and not quite ready to return to ‘normal’ life on Monday. The boys are doing great, and my back / pelvic pain doesn’t seem any worse from all the travel. The pregnancy seems to be going well as far as we know (hoping to start more prenatal care this week!). We are grateful and blessed for all the Lord has done and is continuing to do in our lives. We know that He will continue to carry us through one day at a time. 

One of the highlights of this trip that I failed to mention was the book “Hinds Feet in High Places”. Jason started reading a chapter or two aloud each night while the boys would fall asleep in their beds. We continued the trend this morning when the boys awoke. The perspective of this book has been quite remarkable to me during this time in life for us. To see myself (and our family) as on a journey with the Great Shepherd – through all the ups and downs – really helps put the momentary challenges back into place once again. The realities of this life we live are so much greater than we know. Resting and trusting in a Person and Plan bigger than ourselves is so freeing. So that is where we are right now - - persevering on the journey.  We are taking one step at a time, hoping and trusting in our Great Guide and Helper through each valley, precipice, hill, and plateau. He is doing a great and beautiful work that we can only see glimpses of right now. We will keep trusting. We will keep walking. 

** A couple updates...

• We have really felt God working through people’s prayers this week. We have also greatly appreciated the thoughtful and encouraging emails that we received from several of you in response to our last newsletter. Thank you!! Settling back into ‘normal life’ the past  week and a half since our trip has gone remarkably well. Jason seems a bit encouraged and much more like himself. We had a couple days of sunshine that really helped me as well. Thank you all for praying and communicating with us – it means more than you know!!

• I established care with the midwives here at Mbingo and we had an 18 week ultrasound this week. The baby seems to be strong and healthy as far as we can tell! We were told by the ultrasonographer that the baby is ‘very active’, so he or she should fit right in with our little family!  (For all who are wondering – we decided to keep the gender a secret from even ourselves again. We will find out if we have a daughter or another son in December!) We are so grateful for this precious new life!  

• I’m also grateful that my back / pelvic pain doesn’t seem to be worsening (and maybe even improving slightly). The support brace I am wearing often now is quite helpful. It provides stability to my pelvis, which also helps decrease the pain. I’m still struggling to find the right balance between activity and rest, but I am learning and growing a lot in accepting and asking for help so that I can rest when needed but still getting the necessary things done.

• God has really been providing a lot of peace and grace for each new day in this season if we will just run to Him for it. It is so true that 'His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness!' 

Thank you all SO much for your prayers and encouragement! God is answering many prayers and your kind and thoughtful emails and notes mean more than you know!!