The Shepherd's Hold

The past couple of weeks have continued to be full of ups and downs. A few of the "ups" have been...

• My Uncle Brent that I mentioned in a previous post (had a massive stroke) is now home from the hospital and is eating, walking, thinking clearly, and talking! This is an incredible miracle as the doctors did not even think he was going to live just a few short weeks ago. Thank you Lord!!! 
• A young Cameroonian woman who had been badly burned was released from the hospital last week after extensive surgeries and treatment. She had been in the hospital since right after we arrived in Cameroon. Burns are challenging to treat here for a variety of reasons so it was such a joy to see her smile again and recover so well!
• We are feeling much more settled now and have many days where our hearts are overflowing by God's graciousness, the generosity of our family and friends, and the gift of being a part of the work God is doing here. Jason is really thriving here and I greatly enjoy watching him love his work. I am content that we are right where we are supposed to be. 
• We are really enjoying time with the boys and watching them grow. They are such a blessing to us and we find great joy in being their parents!
• The beauty of the mountains and waterfalls around us continues to be so refreshing. 
• The boys are finally starting to sleep better at night! It has been a LONG few months in regards to night-time sleep issues, so this has really been a blessing. (Thank you to all who have praying about this!)
• My sisters bought tickets to come and visit us in December!!!! Also, my parents' church is raising money to try and help my parents come visit sometime next year if all works out well!! SO EXCITED!!!!!

A few of the "downs"...

• I've started struggling a bit with homesickness when missing out on birthdays, get-togethers, fall activities, and anticipating the coming holidays. 
• Although Jason is doing well at the hospital, there are many days that are really hard, patients die (the loss of a small baby he operated on was especially hard), people are brought to the hospital too late, he is constantly doing cases he has barely seen or never done, etc. He is also taking on much more leadership and with this comes both joys and challenges. 
• It is hard for Jason and I to find time to connect and "get away" at all here. Options for 'dates' are very limited (although we did have another great horseback ride in the mountains the other day!). This season of life often fills our evenings with things that need done or leaves us both exhausted by bedtime. 
• The war with mold continues...
• Knowing how to handle the poverty around us can be overwhelming. We constantly feel our need for wisdom and for guidance from the Lord to know how to best love people and how to use the resources we've been given. 

Throughout all of the ups and downs, the Lord continues to teach, hold, grow, and love us so strongly and yet so tenderly at the same time. We are so grateful for the encouragement, support, and prayers from so many of you. God blesses us so much through His people! 

God has really been teaching me about the value of living and resting fully in Him each day. The primary way He is working on me right now is by teaching me to let go of my agenda and open my hands and heart to His. I'm hoping to write more about how this practically plays out. Again, there are good and bad days where surrender is concerned, but I am ever so slowly growing. Today I want to leave you with a couple of things that I have written recently on days when God is strongly and tenderly pulling me to Himself. 

Great Shepherd,

I want to go my own way. I keep trying. Then I realize that it is not what I want. So I come back. For some reason I can’t understand, I again start to look for a way out – a way that is of my own choosing and ‘free’. But when I get out, I’m not free at all. I’m trapped by mountains too high for me to climb, and boulders too big for me to go around or move. I find myself stuck – where I don’t want to be - away from You and the rest of the of the flock. So I call out – a weak bleeting that turns into a loud cry... and You answer. You come and You gently pick me up. You clean up my wounds, bathe, and feed me. You give me some fresh water to drink. And then You hold me. You just hold me. And I know once again that all is well.

The following is a journal entry from 9/28/14:

Father,

At Your feet I lay.

I just lay.

I enjoy being.

I breathe.

I rest my head on Your lap.

I trust.

I listen to Your Love.

I dwell here.

I rest in Your perfection.

I am safe.

I am free.

Here – with You.