Jesus' Lap

Right now I am sitting down to write out of a desperate need to process my spinning thoughts... Hope something helpful comes out for someone... J

I recently came across a blog from a woman named Rachel Macy Stafford. She writes about how she has completely reoriented her life to focus on what truly matters instead of all the other things that steal her time and focus. She says that she had an extremely organized and smoothly run home, but realized one day that she was missing the important things in life – her children, husband, calling as a teacher and writer, etc. She was so busy that she didn’t have time for the things that really mattered. She has now made space and time for what matters most and has taken away the rest. She said that she now has room in her life to breath and live fully, and no longer sees her day as an unfinished to do list. (I can’t wait to read her book “Hands Free Mama”. All this is summarized from her blog handsfreemama.com)

This all strongly resonates with me right now as I am continually wrestling with how to prioritize and focus on what truly matters and really needs done. Everything feels pressing and important right now but I can’t figure out how to do it all. Obviously my primary focus right now is being Jason's wife and raising our two precious baby boys. The problem is that I feel constantly behind on everything else that needs done in addition to this. By the time I do daily laundry, dishes, cleaning, bathing, cooking, feeding, changing diapers and clothes, playing, exercise, teaching, reading, and training, I don’t have time left. Yet raising support and preparing to move to Africa requires a ton of paperwork, emails, phone calls, errands, organizing, planning, etc. Jason helps all he can at home, but he is still in full-time residency until the end of June so his time is even more pressed.   

I need to stop here so I’m not misunderstood. I am INCREDIBLY blessed and thankful for all that we have been given! The AMAZING opportunities in front of us leave me continually humbled and grateful. I’m not trying to complain at all, but to process and hopefully encourage anyone else who is overwhelmed by all that is on your plate.

I have often been guilty of taking on too much. When our productivity driven culture is added to my own personal issues of needing approval and desiring perfection, you end up with a bad case of overload. I have been working really hard the past couple of years to let go of many things that I would like to do in order to make room for the things that the Lord is actually calling me to (same ideas as the “Hands Free Mama”). Right now, everything on my plate seems truly necessary so I have been frustrated and confused about why I can’t seem to stay on top of it all.

A few weeks ago I had almost an entire week where I was at peace with all of this. I was fairly “productive” with my list of necessary tasks, yet I was often taking time to be fully present with the boys and cherishing moments with people along the way. I was intertwining worship time with housework through music and prayer. I would put on my Bluetooth and work on phone calls while Nathaniel played and Zeke slept. Computer time was accomplished here and there when I had a moment, but was often interrupted without me being completely frustrated. Things did not always go smoothly, but my spirit was still at rest.

What in the world was the difference between that week and this one?? This week I am finding myself overwhelmed, stressed, impatient, and continually frustrated. When I was seeking the Lord about this issue, I came across a book I read last year called “Grace for the Good Girl” by Emily Freeman (I highly recommend this for anyone who struggles with some of the issues I do...). Here are a few excerpts from words that jumped off the page for me (pages 147 – 149)...

John 15:1-5 says “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener... Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing”.

The job of the branch is not to make life happen, but to remain in the vine. To remain in Christ is to stay where you already are. No need to get up and try to find that which you already have. Stay. Abide. Remain. Believe.

When I live as though I believe that’s true, activity doesn’t stop. Rather, it takes on new life. It doesn’t require an entire day of quiet reflection, although I wouldn’t turn it down. It is purposing in my heart not to fret. It is allowing the day to go as it will. It is holding my plans with an open hand and a willing heart.

To remain in Him means both to sit with him and to walk with him, to literally let the peace of Christ reduce the noise of worry and the clatter of chaos so that we can receive truth.

All He (Jesus) asks is that I receive His sacrifice for my inadequacy and then stay in that place of truth. To remain in Him means to refuse to get up from his lap. When it seems like the situation calls for me to stand up and take charge, Jesus gives me permission to remain still, if only on the inside, to trust deeply and fully that He will be strong on my behalf.

I realized that the difference this week is that instead of resting in the Lord to accomplish His purposes through me, I am back to striving on my own to accomplish all that I think needs to be done. Instead of focusing on one moment and day at a time, I am thinking about all that needs done in the next three months. Instead of receiving help from others, I am adding to my to do list and trying to do it on my own. Instead of trusting and believing that God will be strong for me, I am trying hard to be stronger and better myself. My spirit has been in turmoil again because I have climbed out of Jesus’ lap. Instead of remaining still and seeking His presence and strength, I have been running forward with my own agenda and desires.

Both boys are sleeping now and I am going to use the rest of their naptime to get some things done. However, I am also going to put on some worship music and ask the Lord to restore my peace by finding it IN HIM. I will leave you with a couple verses I read this morning to hopefully encourage your heart.

“One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek; That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the Lord and to meditate in His temple. “ – Psalm 27:4

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him. The Lord is their strength, and He is a saving defense to His anointed. Save Your people and bless Your inheritance; be their shepherd also, and carry them forever” – Psalm 28:7-9