Embracing This Season

Ever since this blog began, I have had a love / hate relationship with it. Love – because I greatly enjoy writing and process much of life this way. Hate – because I am often frustrated by my lack of consistency in writing, and I overanalyze how this blog should be used (life updates, random thoughts, processing events, to share what we are learning, etc?).

I decided this week to set myself free from battling with this blog by realizing that as the wife of a surgery resident and the mother of two small boys (one only 6.5 weeks old), I only have so much time and have to prioritize. We are in a really busy season of transition as Jason is about to complete residency and we will be moving to Africa in just a few short months. I do not need to beat myself up for not writing consistently or having an amazing and elaborate blog. This again reveals my struggles with perfectionism and unreasonable expectations on myself. So... for anyone wondering, this blog is going to be used for life updates at times, random thoughts / encouragement some days, processing events and moments, and to share some of what I am learning along the way on this crazy and wonderful adventure of life. The posts will probably be random- sometimes writing regularly and other times writing whenever I get a moment. This is my life right now and I am embracing that this is ok. :)

All that being said, here are some things I’m contemplating lately...

What if I quit trying to be perfect?

What if I rested in Christ’s perfection that covers me?

What if I stopped playing the comparison game?

What if I fully embraced the life that God has called me to live today?

What if I stopped elevating accomplishing tasks over time with people?

What if I measured the success of a day by my connection with God and people, instead of by how much of my “list” is completed?

What if I lived freely and fully in God’s grace each moment?

What if I was so enthralled with my God that everything I think, do, and say reflected His greatness and glory?

God has been continually reminding me lately that living for Him requires total abandonment. I am unsure and scared sometimes of what this really means to be honest. However, I also feel excited about all the possibilities of what God can do if I would just surrender all to Him. Right now I hold back in the above areas. I battle daily with perfectionism, comparison, and self-condemnation. I want to live free! I want to walk in the freedom that Christ has given me. I want to live and love with abandon and joy.  I want to fully embrace every moment – even if that means feeling pain, exhaustion, frustration, etc., because it also means experiencing love, joy, hope, and life. I know that we will always struggle in this life, and that I won’t be free from the battle with the flesh until heaven. However, I don’t have to be in bondage to any of these things (Romans 8!).

I am thrilled with this season of new life and new beginnings that we are in right now. I absolutely love being a wife and mother, and I’m so thankful and excited to be moving to Africa to do medical missions work in just a few short months. The joys are endless – the feeling of my newborn baby sleeping on my chest, watching my husband play with his sons, the delight on my toddler’s face at new discoveries every day, the accomplishment of residency almost completed... This season also has many challenges along with the joy – sleep deprivation, two baby boys in constant need and dependence on me, selling a house, raising support, planning and packing, trying to not think about goodbyes... There is a constant tension about which to focus on – the joys or the challenges. I don’t know why it is always our human nature to be consumed by the latter. I pray often for the grace from God to be consumed by the joys, even while being real about the challenges.

I’m realizing more lately that every season of life is full of both joys and challenges. This might sound completely obvious, but it seems like we so often focus on the joys we see in other people’s season and the challenges in our own. In whatever season God has called you to live today – seek to live it fully. I know He has something to teach you about Himself in it. I know that His grace is enough. Knowing Him more is worth anything we are called to. Praying for joy and gratitude for you today – in the midst of the craziness or quiet.