Seeking and Struggling
"And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, Lord, has not forsaken them that seek thee." - Psalm 9:10
The past couple of weeks have been full of incredible conversations with Christians who are walking and struggling through life in the midst of both joy and heartache. It keeps amazing me when I sit to talk with a friend, feeling like I have nothing to give as I'm struggling myself, and then I walk away from the conversation encouraged by God's work in their life and my own. These times are the streams in the midst of this desert. They are glimpses of what I'm longing to see from God. I want to be reassured that He is hearing and answering me and others; that he is working in and through and around me. I need to know that His purposes are being accomplished and that He is bigger and greater than any sorrow, sin, sickness, or disappointment.
What do you do when you are in a place where you don't know what the next step is? When the deepest dreams and desires of your heart feel like they are being threatened and may never become a reality? What do you do when God asks you to give everything to Him? How do you respond in a time of just waiting? What sort of fears, weaknesses, and idols are revealed when God calls you to wait on Him?
These questions and more are the ones I've been discussing with Jason, friends, and family over the past month. Several people I know are wrestling with many of the same questions I am. They are really hard questions with really hard answers. It is difficult and painful for God to stretch and grow you beyond what you think you can bear; for Him to get into the deepest places of your heart and soul and to call you to brokenness and surrender; to not know if He'll give your desires back to you if you give them to Him; to wish that you could just live with complete abandon to Him without struggling so much.
Please don't misunderstand me, the Christian walk is full of incredible joy, peace beyond understanding, incomprehensible love, and purpose above ourselves. Learning what it means to abide in Christ and to walk with Him is the greatest desire, and ultimate fulfillment, of my life. What I am trying to express is the struggle that life on this earth can be, and to let you know that if you feel lost and overwhelmed in the midst of a desert or battle, you are not alone. I'm trying to learn this time to be open and vulnerable with others. God never meant for us to walk alone or to try to bear our burdens by ourselves. Being vulnerable with others is scary and hard, but so far it has almost always been good. (there are times when you just feel stupid or disappointed, but they are rare compared to the times that you or the other person/people are encouraged and helped)
For those of you who are struggling alone, please go to God and others for help. Don't run from the places you will find rest and healing. Choose to take the hard road of letting God and others in. I have to be reminded of this so often lately.
For those of you who are going to God and others while in a battle, yet you still feel discouraged and broken, please stay in the battle. It is not over and Christ does have the ultimate victory. Speak truth to your heart and refuse to listen to your emotions or lies when they go against the truth. Stay in the Word and in prayer. I'm not pretending to have the answers, I'm just saying that I'm in the struggle with you and I'm gradually learning things I need to do.
For those of you who feel like you have taken 2 steps forward and 10 steps back in your Christian walk as God asks for more and more of you, it may be that you are not moving backwards but that it is just getting harder because God is digging deeper. Allow Him to continue this painful process of chipping away the things we hold onto.
Finally, for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, read scripture and come to know who Christ is. If you come to trust Christ for forgiveness of sin and hope for your life, you will then begin this crazy and wonderful journey of life with Him.
Praying for you my friends,
Meridith
"When we are at our wits' end for an answer, then the Holy Spirit can give us an answer. But how can He give us an answer when we are still well supplied with all sorts of answers of our own?" - Karl Barth
p.s. Thanks for prayers for Grandma Kummer - she is now in rehab and seems to be doing well!
The past couple of weeks have been full of incredible conversations with Christians who are walking and struggling through life in the midst of both joy and heartache. It keeps amazing me when I sit to talk with a friend, feeling like I have nothing to give as I'm struggling myself, and then I walk away from the conversation encouraged by God's work in their life and my own. These times are the streams in the midst of this desert. They are glimpses of what I'm longing to see from God. I want to be reassured that He is hearing and answering me and others; that he is working in and through and around me. I need to know that His purposes are being accomplished and that He is bigger and greater than any sorrow, sin, sickness, or disappointment.
What do you do when you are in a place where you don't know what the next step is? When the deepest dreams and desires of your heart feel like they are being threatened and may never become a reality? What do you do when God asks you to give everything to Him? How do you respond in a time of just waiting? What sort of fears, weaknesses, and idols are revealed when God calls you to wait on Him?
These questions and more are the ones I've been discussing with Jason, friends, and family over the past month. Several people I know are wrestling with many of the same questions I am. They are really hard questions with really hard answers. It is difficult and painful for God to stretch and grow you beyond what you think you can bear; for Him to get into the deepest places of your heart and soul and to call you to brokenness and surrender; to not know if He'll give your desires back to you if you give them to Him; to wish that you could just live with complete abandon to Him without struggling so much.
Please don't misunderstand me, the Christian walk is full of incredible joy, peace beyond understanding, incomprehensible love, and purpose above ourselves. Learning what it means to abide in Christ and to walk with Him is the greatest desire, and ultimate fulfillment, of my life. What I am trying to express is the struggle that life on this earth can be, and to let you know that if you feel lost and overwhelmed in the midst of a desert or battle, you are not alone. I'm trying to learn this time to be open and vulnerable with others. God never meant for us to walk alone or to try to bear our burdens by ourselves. Being vulnerable with others is scary and hard, but so far it has almost always been good. (there are times when you just feel stupid or disappointed, but they are rare compared to the times that you or the other person/people are encouraged and helped)
For those of you who are struggling alone, please go to God and others for help. Don't run from the places you will find rest and healing. Choose to take the hard road of letting God and others in. I have to be reminded of this so often lately.
For those of you who are going to God and others while in a battle, yet you still feel discouraged and broken, please stay in the battle. It is not over and Christ does have the ultimate victory. Speak truth to your heart and refuse to listen to your emotions or lies when they go against the truth. Stay in the Word and in prayer. I'm not pretending to have the answers, I'm just saying that I'm in the struggle with you and I'm gradually learning things I need to do.
For those of you who feel like you have taken 2 steps forward and 10 steps back in your Christian walk as God asks for more and more of you, it may be that you are not moving backwards but that it is just getting harder because God is digging deeper. Allow Him to continue this painful process of chipping away the things we hold onto.
Finally, for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, read scripture and come to know who Christ is. If you come to trust Christ for forgiveness of sin and hope for your life, you will then begin this crazy and wonderful journey of life with Him.
Praying for you my friends,
Meridith
"When we are at our wits' end for an answer, then the Holy Spirit can give us an answer. But how can He give us an answer when we are still well supplied with all sorts of answers of our own?" - Karl Barth
p.s. Thanks for prayers for Grandma Kummer - she is now in rehab and seems to be doing well!
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