Beautiful Old Grand

For the first time I can remember, I am truly grieving the loss of a possession. I’ve never been one to attach strongly to specific things or places. My love for adventure and change usually triumphs over the sense of loss (except when it comes to people) when we move. But this time we are selling nearly everything we own, and its finally time for me to say goodbye to the piano I’ve had since I was 9 years old.

It is a beautiful old Cable-Nelson upright that we think was made around 1911. My parents bought it years ago from a friend for $200, and we have paid that amount many times over to move and tune it.  It doesn’t hold perfect pitch anymore, and I don’t even mind. I first learned to play on this piano as a little girl, and it was a dream come true. Whenever I was stressed or struggling with something, I would sit down at this piano and let the stress run out through my fingers, and the thoughts untangle in my mind. Worship in this way is often how I work through things with the Lord. I have sung, and cried, and prayed my way through nearly every emotion at this piano. When Jason and I got married, we excitedly brought this piano to our little townhome. It took up half the living room, and we loved it. When we moved to Kenya, and then Cameroon, we loaned it out to people who would play and care for it. These past two years it has filled our home with music, and connected us as a family. The boys love to dance and sing while I play, and even Anina calms and lights up with its sound. 

I’m reminding myself today of the beautiful story that happened when we went to Cameroon a few years ago. I was struggling then with leaving my piano even temporarily, and God graciously provided a wonderful electric piano that someone at the hospital was selling. We had just finished surgery residency and didn’t have any extra money to buy it. Jason suggested we pray, asked a couple other people to pray with us, and a few days later a friend donated money specifically for the piano. The couple selling it also majorly discounted the price, and we were able to buy it with the donated money. What an incredible moment to walk into our new home in Cameroon, with concrete walls and floors, a few pieces of wooden furniture, and an electric piano sitting against the wall! I was overwhelmed with a strong joy and peace in God’s kind provision for me. It felt like such a personal whisper of His love and grace.

A few months later, another family packed up all their belongings in Cameroon to move back to the States. They had lived there for about 10 years, and had shipped a grand piano from America years before. The man saw the electric piano in our living room and asked Jason if I played. He then offered to GIVE the grand piano to us if we came back long-term and wanted it. Jason came home and told me, and I literally had to sit down. I NEVER imagined I would own a grand piano, let alone in Africa!! The duplex we lived in wouldn’t fit the piano, so I would walk down to the house at the end of the road and play it occasionally. We’re hoping its being played by visitors while we’re gone, as we know the electric one has been used well in our absence. I told Jason though that this would seal the deal of us returning to Cameroon. I don’t want to go anywhere else in Africa if I have a grand piano waiting for me! 😉

I share all this to say, I KNOW that God cares for and provides in even the little details of our lives. He SEES us, PURSUES us, and LOVES us beyond what we can imagine. I’m reminding myself of this, as I feel a bit silly over grieving the loss of my piano, especially when I have TWO in Africa waiting for me. I know that physical possessions don’t have eternal value in and of themselves. I know that our true treasures are being stored and built up in a place far beyond this world.

Even as I am reminded of these truths, and am trying to teach them to my children, the experience and emotions of loss are real. I don’t need to minimize or feel shame over this, and neither do my sons. So as we walk through this first big step of grieving and letting go, I will do as I’ve so often done. I will sit at my piano and worship the One who gives, takes, and loves us so graciously through it all. HE is enough. And when they come to take the piano tomorrow, I will smile through tears, and pick up my guitar. With a sigh, I will resolve again to learn how to better play guitar over the next year and a half. It's so much more portable. 😀😢