2017: New word for the new year

I’ve been wrestling with the Lord for a couple months now about this new year. I’ve been asking Him for a different perspective, a renewed vision and motivation, and personal direction. We are half-way through Jason’s pediatric surgery fellowhip – it will be completed at the end of this calendar year. This means only 11.5 months to go...

While this thrills me in one moment (it has been a very challenging year), it makes me almost panic in the next (more transitions just around the corner). I’ve been trying to steal myself for the work of this year. Lots of pep talks, coffee, exercise, music, and more coffee... I’m trying to get my feet firmly planted in order to endure the winds of change around the corner as well. So as I sought the Lord for a ‘word’ for the year – something to focus and work on – I kept waiting for it to come... ‘discipline’, ‘perseverance’, ‘faithfulness’, ‘self-control’, ‘service’, ‘love’... and then finally, the word that He whispered and then shouted to my soul in a variety of ways came...

“Enjoy”

“What?!”

“Enjoy”

I knew I must have heard wrong. As a dedicated (technically baptist) Christian, I am quite uncomfortable with this word. It seems unspiritual, unsacrificial, and not very holy to be honest. So I tried to wiggle away from the discomfort.

“Oh Lord, I know we are supposed to enjoy You, and the parts of life that we are able to, but surely I’m hearing you wrong. There is suffering, pain, and heartache going on all around this city, country, and world. There is so much work to do. There are so many more important things to focus on. Surely this can’t be the focus You are leading me to for this year?!”

The harder I tried to ignore, argue, or push it away, the more and stronger this word and theme arose – books, conversations, social media, sermons, and even Scripture (surprise!). So I tried a different approach in my ‘prayers’.

“Lord, this feels like too much, a bit impossible really. I feel like I can square my shoulders and ‘get through’ this year. I can manage, survive, and work hard through these days. But enjoy them?! I already hear this from every older woman that I pass anywhere in public... “Enjoy these days, they go by so fast!”... Now YOU are saying this too??! I’m SO confused. I do love and enjoy my boys – I really do. And there are many parts of my life that I do find joy. But overall, it feels so strange to try and focus on this more. What do I do with all the parts of my life that are simply exhausting and mundane and frustrating? Someone telling me to enjoy more, just feels like an added thing on my ‘to do’ list that feels impossible. Won’t this just create more guilt and shame and pressure – the way it does when strangers say it to me so often?”

“Enjoy Me.”, He gently whispered to my heart. “Enjoy what I’ve given you. Do this by entering my rest – over and over again – day after day. You have to let ME carry your load. You have to COME TO ME. The other things you will be tempted to try and do on your own – service, discipline, perseverance... But to ‘enjoy’ – this will have to come from ME alone.”

As I began to study this concept in Scripture and creation, I realized more and more how God has made us for joy. Enjoying Him and all He has made us to be and experience, brings Him glory (whew – there’s a more ‘spiritual’ word! J )

It still feels so self-seeking, so inward. It still seems a bit ungodly somehow. This is revealing how mixed up and messed up my theology is sometimes. Why do I think that a God who enjoys His creation, and made His creation to enjoy Him, is somehow ‘less than’ the things that my culture and church and society value – sacrifice, independence, hard work and dedication... Yes, these things matter to God. Yet even in David’s psalm of deep confession, he says things like..

·      “Behold, you DELIGHT in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

·      Let me hear JOY and gladness; let the bones that you have broken REJOICE.

·      Restore to me the JOY of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.

·      THEN I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to You.” (Psalm 51:6,8,12-13).

I keep feeling like God is telling me that the best way for me to bless and impact others – my husband, sons, friends, neighbors, and strangers – is to fully live in what He is calling me to. So if He is calling me to enjoyment – of Him and this life right now – then I am going to listen and obey.

I don’t know what this journey will lead to this year. I don’t yet know the ins and outs of what this pursuit will be. But I know this – my God is good and faithful and kind and gentle and patient and true. He loves me and my people more than I can fathom. He never leads me astray. So you can bet that I’m digging deep into Scripture this year. This topic / focus feels scary and exciting at the same time. I don’t want to get ‘off track’. But you know what? I can trust my Father and Shepherd. I can know His voice. He gave us His Word and His Spirit. He will never loose His hold on me.

I feel a bit like He has ‘broken my bones’ (Psalm 51:8) this past year. He has been doing deep heart and soul work in me. He has been chipping away at the parts of me that need changed and chiseled. He has been breaking and humbling and molding me. I know that this work from Him will continue this year – because it will not be complete until I am in heaven with Him. But He is filling my heart with hope that this year, these broken bones might do some rejoicing.