Powerful tools

Sadness, excitement, fear, joy, anxiety, anticipation... These are just a few of the emotions that we have been experiencing the past several days and weeks. With only 3.5 weeks left in Cameroon, it suddenly feels like time is flying. I want things to slow down a bit so that my mind and heart can catch up! 

I’ve been dwelling a lot on Philippians 4:6-7 recently, which says: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” 

I love this idea of having my mind and heart ‘guarded’ by Christ’s peace. There are so many things that I can quickly become anxious about as we experience and anticipate so many transitions... the challenges of saying goodbye, all the travel and jet lag adjustments with two little boys and third trimester with our littlest, my sister’s wedding the week we return and all of the activity and emotions involved, dealing with reverse culture shock / stress, finding a car and house and furniture etc... the list can go on and on. However, there are two disciplines in these verses that are really helping me lately when I’m feeling overwhelmed and sense anxiety trying to take over. One is specific prayer, and the other is thanksgiving. 

“by prayer and supplication”: When I run to God and cry out to Him for help – He hears and answers every time. Sometimes He calms my storm of emotions, and sometimes He just gives me the grace to keep moving forward, or to be still in the midst of them. When strong emotions or racing thoughts threaten to control me, I’ve been trying to speak or read Scripture, write out specific thoughts and prayers in my journal, put on uplifting music or play the piano, light candles and take a deep breath, or go for a walk - - all while asking God to guard me again with His peace and presence. I’m learning that He wants me to run to Him with everything – in the midst of my every day – nothing is too small to bring to Him and lay at His feet. 

“with thanksgiving”: Thanking God for all that He has done or is doing has also been a powerful tool in my life these days. A few days ago I was feeling so overwhelmed that I was struggling to even care for the boys. All I could muster was to cuddle with them in bed and put on a movie (it was only 7:30am...). When the movie ended and I had to face the duties of the day, I could feel anxiety threatening to take over. After re-reading parts of Philippians, I made a list of several specific things that I was thankful for – things of beauty in my life that I enjoy – things that God has graciously given... (4:8-9) The list went something like this:

Watching my precious baby boys sleep.

Feeling my littlest one kicking within me.

Being held by my husband.

Impromptu discussions with Cynthia and Nelvis (our wonderful helpers).

Unplanned visits from neighbors where our lives are shared.

The opportunity to write some of the PAACS resident’s stories.

The new PAACS promotional video.

A hot shower.

Freshly mown grass.

Sitting and talking with my husband and neighbors in the afternoon sunshine.

A nap during the rain.

Fresh fruit.

A cup of hot, local tea with lemon & honey.

Homemade cookies.

Clean laundry hanging on the line.

Watching our little boys play in a bubble bath.

Pillow fights and giggling with these same rambunctious little men.

Laughing and flirting with my husband on his lunch break.

Watching Nathaniel jump out and ‘scare’ his daddy with a surprise visit in clinic. 

Enjoying the clinic patients’ laughter and smiles at the interaction between father and son.

Cuddling with Zeke before the new baby comes.

Fresh flowers on our table.

Apple crisp and thoughts of autumn at home.

Candles and curling up to a good movie.

Shared meals with friends and visitors.

Something happened in me as I wrote. The list grew quickly, and the writing became easier with each thing that came to mind. I suddenly realized again how overabundant my blessings are. My mind shifted from the challenges to the gifts. I felt the peace of God returning, and the mountains of the day didn’t look quite so high as they had just minutes before. God used this practice of gratitude to strengthen me. He redeemed a hard day, and I went to bed that night content and at rest. 

I’m praying daily for the grace to keep walking in these disciplines and blessings amidst the restlessness and chaos of this season. My prayer for myself, and anyone reading this who is threatened by anxiety, is that we will run to the Lord, live in gratitude, and be guarded by His peace.