Noticing

When I look back at the past several seasons of our life, all squashed together into 11 crazy years, there are several things I notice…

• The times I was the most fulfilled were also the times that I was constantly pouring out. I was deeply investing in people – being filled up by God and then giving it all away. Not living in self-neglect or martyrdom, but finding my life in the surrender of it all. 

• Hard does not equal bad. Neither does hard equal good. There was both good and bad in the hard. Life is a continual paradox. 

• The thing that stands out the most are moments of connection – with God, myself, other people, and nature. 

• When I look at pictures or think about specific memories, I mostly remember how I felt. Even if I don’t have words for it, the memory is usually consumed by the emotional or mental state I was in at the time.  

• We have made a lot of houses into home. 

• Some of my richest relationships have come from people who are so very different from me, with a few of those kindred spirits who just ‘get’ you mixed in. 

• I have changed a lot – day after day and year after year. The change comes gradually, but then somehow feels sudden.

• I will forever remember the moments I found out about my babies’ existence, the moments I found out I lost some of them, and the moments I laboured and gave birth. These are etched in my soul with permanent ink. 

• I still can’t believe the baby stage of life is over for us. 

• I’m still in shock that I have 3 incredible sons and 1 amazing daughter to hold, love, and raise. 

• The seasons of marriage are wild, wonderful, hard, mysterious, and always changing – and I’m so thankful we are both all in for the journey. Also, there is no way we would have made it this far without God.

• A good counselor, medical support, and community are essential in every season. 

• Learning to listen – to God, my body, and other people – has been life-changing.

• The mainstream culture you’re living in can be wrong about many things – you don’t have to do what everyone else around you is doing. 

• Intuitive parenting – listening to God and my gut – has been a game-changer for me.

• Leaning into who God has made me to be, instead of living in comparison or competition with others, is one of the main things I want to teach my kids (while I continue learning this myself). 

• The pictures I like the most are the ones where I was least self-conscious – where I’m immersed in the moment I was in and the people I was with. 

• Health is a life-long journey. Our bodies are constantly changing. Embracing where I am in this journey is often the healthiest thing I can do. 

• As humans we are often discontent. Past or future seasons almost always look the most appealing. Learning to dwell in the now is my heart’s desire. This is where God meets me. Letting go in surrender is where the most freedom is found. 

• I don’t need to fully understand the ‘whys’ to find peace and contentment – God knows, and that’s enough.