The 'Small' Moments
For
the past year I’ve been trying to catch my breath from a whirlwind of change
and transition. I’ve been on a continual search for our new rhythm as a family
of five. Although our youngest son is almost 1 year old, we have yet to find this
new rhythm that works well for all of us. I find myself stressed about schedules and routines. He is a delightful baby, but I can’t
seem to shake this anxiety that things are going too fast. I want my life to
stop feeling like it’s rushing by. Too often, my days feel like they are happening to me, instead of being lived by me.
So
I try to slow down, simplify, refocus, etc. If you’ve read my writing for any
length of time, you know that this is something I continually come back to. I’m
fascinated with the concepts of living fully, mindfulness, simplicity, and
intentionality. Yet as much as I long for these things, my days still feel busy
and chaotic. Yes – I have three energetic little boys. Yes – my husband is at
the hospital most of the time as a pediatric surgery fellow. Yes – we are
technically still in a season of transition. The problem is, we will be in
challenging and transitional seasons for several more years, if not a majority
of our lives, due to our chosen life road.
Lately, the Lord has been teaching me
a lot about the concepts throughout Scripture of rest, repentance, and abiding.
These things have nothing to do with our circumstances, and everything to do with our relationship with
God, and our posture before Him. When we bow to God, instead of bowing to the
idols of self, others, possessions, etc., we are able to experience the deep
soul peace that only He can give. I am longing for everything I am, and
everything I do, to flow from this river of rest in God.
My prayers are often filled with laments about my seeming lack of time. It
feels like there is NEVER enough to get done what I need to and want to. I keep
saying ‘no’ to so many things, trying to reign in the busyness, and trying to
find more space and energy to breath. Learning to say ‘no’ is such a good
thing, but I’ve been so wrapped up in it, that I’m missing what I’m trying to
say ‘yes’ to.
The five or ten minutes spent on instagram or facebook – that turn into 20 – that
turn into half an hour – multiple times a day as the little stressors build,
and I try to escape the tensions around me.
The few minutes here and there when I need to regain my focus and composure,
but instead I let my mind focus on all the negatives of the moment and day.
The teaching moments with my children that I overlook or ignore because they
are irritating me.
The few minutes that I could start on a task, but instead I check email or
messenger – not to actually answer any emails or messages – but to simply
escape the tasks that feel overwhelming in front of me.
The moments when I push off a preparation or task, until the time pressure
mounts, until I have no choice but to hurry around in frenzy.
The quiet moments at night or when nursing my baby, when instead of letting my
jumbled thoughts sort themselves out and turn to prayer, I fill my eyes with
the light of my phone, and my mind with more information – news, recipes,
articles, blogs...
These ‘small’ moments could be used to give thanks, to sing, to meditate on
truth, to create, to work unhurried, to dance, to teach, to encourage, and to
worship my Creator. Instead, I use them to covet, complain, distract, compare,
worry, rush, and escape – and I lose momentum for the better use of my time and
days.
God has been reminding me lately of how 'time' is not a true
pressure or problem for those who belong to Him. We have been given the
unbelievable gift of immortality – eternal life after this earthly death. We
need not live in fear or anxiety over the ‘passing of time’ on this earth. God
is not hurried or anxious. He hasn’t given us ‘too much’ to do each day. ALL of
our time and days are in His hands, and are perfectly measured by Him – and
then given to us as a gift.
So how will I use this gift right now??
In anxious escape and hurried turmoil?
Or
in rest and faith?
What if these
seemingly ‘small moments’ are actually some of the most important ones?? What if how I use
these small moments truly add up to how I spend my days – and therefore my
life?
These are both challenging and hopeful thoughts for me today. My
prayer for myself, and anyone reading this, is that we would learn to surrender
these ‘small moments’ to the Spirit of God – and see how He might change our
perception and use of time.
My prayers are often filled with laments about my seeming lack of time. It feels like there is NEVER enough to get done what I need to and want to. I keep saying ‘no’ to so many things, trying to reign in the busyness, and trying to find more space and energy to breath. Learning to say ‘no’ is such a good thing, but I’ve been so wrapped up in it, that I’m missing what I’m trying to say ‘yes’ to.
The five or ten minutes spent on instagram or facebook – that turn into 20 – that turn into half an hour – multiple times a day as the little stressors build, and I try to escape the tensions around me.
The few minutes here and there when I need to regain my focus and composure, but instead I let my mind focus on all the negatives of the moment and day.
The teaching moments with my children that I overlook or ignore because they are irritating me.
The few minutes that I could start on a task, but instead I check email or messenger – not to actually answer any emails or messages – but to simply escape the tasks that feel overwhelming in front of me.
The moments when I push off a preparation or task, until the time pressure mounts, until I have no choice but to hurry around in frenzy.
The quiet moments at night or when nursing my baby, when instead of letting my jumbled thoughts sort themselves out and turn to prayer, I fill my eyes with the light of my phone, and my mind with more information – news, recipes, articles, blogs...
These ‘small’ moments could be used to give thanks, to sing, to meditate on truth, to create, to work unhurried, to dance, to teach, to encourage, and to worship my Creator. Instead, I use them to covet, complain, distract, compare, worry, rush, and escape – and I lose momentum for the better use of my time and days.
God has been reminding me lately of how 'time' is not a true pressure or problem for those who belong to Him. We have been given the unbelievable gift of immortality – eternal life after this earthly death. We need not live in fear or anxiety over the ‘passing of time’ on this earth. God is not hurried or anxious. He hasn’t given us ‘too much’ to do each day. ALL of our time and days are in His hands, and are perfectly measured by Him – and then given to us as a gift.
So how will I use this gift right now??
What if these seemingly ‘small moments’ are actually some of the most important ones?? What if how I use these small moments truly add up to how I spend my days – and therefore my life?
These are both challenging and hopeful thoughts for me today. My prayer for myself, and anyone reading this, is that we would learn to surrender these ‘small moments’ to the Spirit of God – and see how He might change our perception and use of time.
Thanks for giving us your precious time this past week. We are so very happy to have been with you. Thanks for making the space for us. Always in our hearts and in our prayers. Mom & Dad Axt P.S. Jason & the boys are so blessed with you as wife & mom.
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