Messes

Two things I want to work on in this blog are posting more pictures and being more real / transparent. This post is my attempt to do both. J

Yesterday was one of those days where I was cleaning the breakfast dishes off the table at 5pm, just prior to cooking dinner. A few weeks ago I was having a very similar day. Here are a few pictures of my house in the morning so you can get an idea...

With my house looking like this, both babies in cranky moods, myself not yet dressed and looking like a disaster (sorry, no picture of that J ), and people coming over in less than two hours, my toddler came to me with something on his hands and clothes that I couldn't identify. When I asked what it was, he said "show", and led me to this... 

 

For those who can’t tell, this is Nestle chocolate syrup, dumped all over the rug, floor, and inside the cabinet. I wanted to cry, and then laugh, as Nathaniel says “I do dis?” (aka: did I do this?) He then followed it up with asking “why I do dis?” I didn’t have an answer for that one.

I took a deep breath, gave Nathaniel a hug so that I didn’t yell at him, explained to him why he is not allowed to touch the chocolate syrup (still not sure how he reached it), and then began trying to clean up the sticky mess. Naturally, he then wanted to “help” clean it up, and although his desire was thoughtful, the practicalities were not working so well (chocolate being brushed onto the floor and door with a scrub brush). So... I placed Nathaniel in his play-yard with some toys and books (despite his protests that probably concerned the neighbors), put Zeke in the swing, put on some music, lifted a quick prayer of "help" to heaven, and then began cleaning like crazy.

A little over an hour later, my house looked like this... (Please don’t look behind any closed doors J)

Even with two small children, I often feel like I need to have my house in a certain order with everything clean and in place. Some days I drive myself crazy with this desire, and other days I relax more and embrace this season a little better. I’ve been trying to think through the good and bad of this struggle more lately. Why do I need / want everything to be in order? Why does dirt and clutter bother me? Is it just because I’m worried about what others will think? Is it a heart motivated by fear or need for approval? Or is it something else?...

I think my desire for order and beauty in my home is actually a very natural thing that is not at all bad. Yes, I can take it to the extreme and any time I put tasks or my desires before people (especially my kids), it is not a good thing. However, I think that there is something placed in us by God that desires order out of chaos and beauty in the midst of messes. It is a picture of redemption.

God takes something broken and makes it useful to Him. He takes something ugly and makes it beautiful. He takes defeat and heartache and replaces it with hope and grace. This is redemption and my heart is longing for it in so many ways.

This morning I spent some time listening to the song called “Worn” by Sanctus Real. I absolutely love the chorus:

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise from ashes of a broken life

And that's dead inside can be reborn

Cause I'm worn

These words echo the emotions of my soul today. I long to see God’s faithful hand working redemption in the lives of those I love. I know that He is working, but I can’t always see it. I also know that God allows people to make their own choices. When voicing my frustration last night over seeing pain and struggle instead of God’s powerful redemption in so many lives, Jason gently reminded me that we don’t know what people’s lives would look like without God’s restraining and redemptive work going on. Many people could be in much worse places than they are. Without God’s intervention, perhaps a difficult marriage would not even be in existence. Maybe the couple would have given up a long time ago. Maybe those that I see wrestling with sin wouldn’t be wrestling, but instead embracing it. Perhaps those struggling with pain or illness would not have the grace to continue relationships, jobs, or ministries in the midst of suffering if God’s hand was not helping them. 

I don’t know. I don’t have any of this figured out. Today I just have to trust in who God is, instead of focusing on the circumstances around me. I was reminded by a friend last night that’s God’s character and nature is revealed in His name, and that is what we trust in – who He is.

“And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you”. – Psalm 9:10

So what does all of this have to do with a messy house or a frustrating day? I think sometimes these little things remind me of a bigger story. Every time I have the opportunity to restore some order from chaos, or create beauty from messes, I get a tiny glimpse of God’s heart. He loves to redeem. He desires all that is good.  Every time I change a dirty diaper, feed a hungry baby, calm a crying child, change into a clean outfit for the millionth time in a day, or clean up a mess of Nestle chocolate syrup - I can be reminded that God is working on a much larger scale to restore order and beauty, right every wrong, fix all that is broken. In the middle of our messes – He redeems.