My Babies

We just celebrated Zeke's first birthday a few days ago on March 19th. While holding him that day and trying to soak in the moments, I felt both overwhelming gratitude, and also a bit of nostalgia at the quickly passing time. The combined emotions prompted some writing to my sweet babies...

Nathaniel – your name means “Gift of God” and what a gift you are! Your coming into this world completely changed our lives and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Your middle name, Jason, means “Healer”. Your presence has healed our hearts in so many ways. I prayed while you were in my womb for you to bring joy to many. Wow – the way you connect with and love people leaves me mystified sometimes. In less than 3 years of life so far, you already bring joy to SO many!! Oh how I love to dream about the ways God will continue to use you as you grow up in Him. You are so full of energy and life and are always asking for an adventure. You want to know why and how everything works. You love to be outside in the rain, shine, light, or dark. You spend a lot of time each day fighting lions or dragons with your sword (or stick) and defending yourself with your shield. You have a tender heart that already loves to pray and worries about those who are hurting. You love to listen to books and nearly always ask a million questions about each story we read together. You are a great big brother who loves Zeke, and although you sometimes play too rough, your intention is usually good. :-) What a wonderful and adorable gift and joy you are my son!!

Ezekiel – your name means ‘Strength of God’ or ‘The Lord is my strength’. The Lord has already used you so much to show HIS strength in my life. You came into our world at a very busy time of transitions and having you kept me continually focused on what really matters. Your middle name, Aiden, means ‘fire’ and what a spirit and passion you already have! You love to explore, climb, and be in the middle of whatever is going on. You have a love for music that is incredible – you notice every beat or note within earshot – and you dance. I love to watch you dance! I love the way your face breaks into a huge grin and start moving your head and body to the beat. I love the way you study everything and everyone. You turned 1 year old yesterday! Oh how you have changed and grown me in only one year’s time. Being your mom is full of blessing, challenge, and so much joy. You seem to have a personality that enjoys people but also needs quiet at times. You LOVE to be outside and are happiest when exploring the yard or on a long hike in the mountains. You often ‘sing’ and ‘talk’ when riding in the backpack and are content to just look at and listen to nature. You are such a blessing my precious babe – straight from God’s hand!

My littles I never knew – ‘Calla’ ‘Tumaini’ & ‘Little J’ – Though I never got to see, know, or hold you, we named you. Your names show the purpose and meaning that your lives have.

You were conceived and so quickly lost around Easter little Calla. I named you after the Calla Lilies I love so much. Just ‘Calla’ feels incomplete somehow and that is how I felt without you.

“Tumaini” means hope in Swahili. I lost you on a return trip from Kenya and I felt the Lord giving me hope when I wanted to despair.

And “Little J” – I don’t know if you are a boy or girl, but I imagined that maybe you would be a lot like your dad. We both wanted to meet and hold you so very much.

When we lost you all, it felt for a while like my world was crashing down on me. The Lord knew what He was doing when he allowed you to be taken from us though. He used the loss of you to draw me closer to Him; strengthen my faith through the battle with depression and grief; show me real, agape love through Jason; and help me learn to trust in WHO GOD IS instead of what is happening to or around me. I still find so much comfort in knowing that you never suffered. You awoke to life in Jesus’ arms – in a beautiful and perfect place called heaven – with your Creator and Shepherd. I just want you all to know today that we love you – and that we still can’t wait to meet you someday!

Oh Lord – thank you for my babies – ALL of them! 

Thank you for the many ways that you are growing and changing me as a woman, wife, and mother. Thank you for your continual grace and presence in my life.

Thank you for helping me learn – step by step – how to be the wife of a missionary surgeon and the mama of little boys. 

Thank you for your patience with me! 

Thank you for your love that covers all my sin and struggling. 

Thank you for the hope and joy that you give in the midst of the mundane, every-day tasks.

Thank you for the peace and renewal that is currently in our home. 

Thank you most of all for You, and Your presence with us. I can never praise you enough for all that You are, all You have done, and all You will continue to do!